The Freak-out

I spent most of last week panicking about my feelings about Heidi, whether I should continue focusing on the marriage thing. I IM'ed her early in the week, saying "Don't confirm the Phoenix yet," until we could talk about stuff. This ended up being the standard "Oh, my God, I'm not going to be single anymore" panic. It came quickly, and after talking with a couple people who are exceptionally valuable in my life, it left quickly. Mattox was over last Tuesday and we had an angst-fest. Between my real-life drama and Battlestar Galactica (he hadn't seen any of season 2 yet), we got our fill of angst, and he gave me some outstanding advice. Wednesday, Heidi and I had a talk about my freak-out. The kicker, though, was my sister, who not only has her degree in psychology, but also went through my parents' divorce, and has been married for 15+ years. It's been a frightening time, because I was thinking for a while there that I was going to break it off totally. But I knew I didn't want to do that; it wasn't a question of not loving her. It was just more along the lines of "what about everybody else?" Then I got to thinking, "there really hasn't been anybody else. At least nobody who compares." Thursday, I had the epiphany I was looking for, the "how could it be any different?" moment that I needed. Yep, I'm back on track.