The Nups

A place where John & Heidi can write about the marriage; all the organization, all the emotional stuff, and anything else that should fit here. We might not update a lot now, as the wedding part is done, done done!

Monday, November 28, 2005

VERSION 2.0

Heidi here...

So now I get to see this little blog that John has been working on all this time (sneaky! But I love that he put all this thought into it)...

and it's taken me a few days to get around to blogging about my side of things-- mostly because I wanted to actually talk to my family and close friends before I posted this for all the world to see... and because I wanted to write as much as I could remember.. which can be quite a lot. :D

update 12/03-- [linking this for length purposes on this blog]
My half of the proposal story is at http://hydeeho75.blogspot.com/2005/11/version-20.html

Sunday, November 27, 2005

It's Official

For the full story, you can see this post on my blog. But, in any case, we did not get the diamond that was in my father's family, but then again, I don't know if we ever should have. Whereas my dad would have really liked Heidi, that's a really large rock, and Heidi's just not much of one for excessive bling. So, we went and got one, and I proposed, and she said yes, and there was much rejoicing.

Monday, November 21, 2005

The ring

OK, so here's what is my major hold-up. I want a ring on Heidi's finger before we get any "really" further. She doesn't care about that, but I do. Now, here's another thing. My dad had this ring that was his mother's, then it was my mother's, now it's my stepmother's. However, my dad also died a little over a year ago, and my stepmother still wears it. Not only is it an heirloom, but it's a honker. My dad never got a chance to meet Heidi, as we met in person six months to the day after he died. But I think he would ahve really gotten a kick out of meeting her; I think they would have gotten along really well. My dad was never very social, and tended to hide in his computer room during social gatherings, but I think he would have hung out in the main room to talk to Heidi. Anyway, this heirloom ring is supposed to go to one of us kids. My sister's been married for quite a while, and I don't think my brother is getting married again, and the timing just seems to be "right" for Heidi to get that ring. However, that ring is also one of the last physical ties my stepmother has to her husband, and she's not ready to give it up yet. It would mean a lot more to me if Heidi had my dad's ring than if she had some thing I went out to the store for, but I may end up having to go out to some jeweler, because I don't think I can wait much longer to pop the question. Meh. I'm talking to my stepmom this weekend, and maybe I can talk her into giving up the ring soon. If anybody reads this and prays, I'd really appreciate your prayers on this subject.

The Freak-out

I spent most of last week panicking about my feelings about Heidi, whether I should continue focusing on the marriage thing. I IM'ed her early in the week, saying "Don't confirm the Phoenix yet," until we could talk about stuff. This ended up being the standard "Oh, my God, I'm not going to be single anymore" panic. It came quickly, and after talking with a couple people who are exceptionally valuable in my life, it left quickly. Mattox was over last Tuesday and we had an angst-fest. Between my real-life drama and Battlestar Galactica (he hadn't seen any of season 2 yet), we got our fill of angst, and he gave me some outstanding advice. Wednesday, Heidi and I had a talk about my freak-out. The kicker, though, was my sister, who not only has her degree in psychology, but also went through my parents' divorce, and has been married for 15+ years. It's been a frightening time, because I was thinking for a while there that I was going to break it off totally. But I knew I didn't want to do that; it wasn't a question of not loving her. It was just more along the lines of "what about everybody else?" Then I got to thinking, "there really hasn't been anybody else. At least nobody who compares." Thursday, I had the epiphany I was looking for, the "how could it be any different?" moment that I needed. Yep, I'm back on track.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Phoenix

Knowing how difficult it is to find a specific place to get a reception, we went out looking in Chinatown for places for it. It was a pain in the butt, but her parents were with us, and they have a knack for haggling with Chinese people. We went to the three places that have banquets in Chinatown: Furama, Three Happiness and Phoenix. Since the Bears game was just letting out when we were getting there, her parents beat us there, and were talking to the guy at Furama before us. It had decent parking, but other than that, it was just sort of OK. They have a dance floor, and wouldn't let us have the whole room, but when we walked in, the guy looked at my white scottishness and didn't hide his distaste very well. He clearly wanted to host a Chinese reception. That, or he just expected me to be picky about Chinese things because I'm not. Well, he was right. Cheap, with probably pretty good food, but no dice.

Then we went to Three Happiness. The woman there went into full-on bargain mode as soon as we said the word banquet. It was pretty much the same deal as Furama (exact same menu), but the food isn't as good, no dance floor, less time, better parking, and if we had 150 people, we could have the whole room. Heidi didn't care for the pillars they have there, but her father answered the manager's bargain mode with his own, and that man has mad bargaining skills.

I was getting a bit tired at that point, and was expecting to find nothing in Chinatown at all that I wanted, but then we went to the Phoenix. The interior was clean, well-lit, professional, and the banquet manager came and was actually friendly, didn't bat an eye about me being white, and in fact said they have a lot of mixed-race marriages there. She didn't talk much to me, but she did answer my questions. When speaking later with Heidi, I found out that I was being too direct; I was putting on my American business crap on, and asking direct questions and expecting direct answers. She wasn't offended, but she did end up directing most of her conversation to Heidi. Anyway, we can have the whole room with a minimum of 100 people (which is quite nice, I must say), it was more expensive, but good food, and they just seemed a lot more professional. There was no undue pressure, no unusual expenses, and it just seemed right. We also nailed down a date: September 2, 2006.

Scary, but cool.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The dad conversation

Heidi and I have been talking for quite a while about whether or not we should do something about this. We spoke to my pastor recently, and he suggested a book we could go through, and we've been closing in on some details. Anyway, Last weekend I asked her parents for Heidi's hand in marriage. Her dad said, "Well, you gotta ask her." I explained that yes, I knew that, but I wanted their blessing. They then both said that I have it, as if there was no question. Her mother was very sure to make clear that Heidi was her oldest . They were also very sure to make it clear that I was part of the family, in a barely metaphorical sense. Meaning, I am now their son, before I've officially asked Heidi.

And this may seem strange to a lot of people. We're doing a lot of stuff now, before I've officially asked Heidi. She doesn't have a ring yet (more on that in a bit), and I haven't actually proposed to her. But we both know that is the intention of where we're going. We've spent a very long time discussing and rehashing where we are, how we feel, and what our future is. The proposal is really, a bit of a formality. It's a necessary formality, but we're pretty determined.

Anyway, obstacle 1 is down: The obstacle that doesn't cost any money. The rest are going to take a bit of time.

The reason and rhyme of this blog

I'm starting a blog for all the writing about our upcoming wedding. This is where I (and eventually Heidi) will talk about all the emotional stuff that's going into this, how the plans are coming together, all sorts of crap. For those of you who know her and/or me , DON'T LET HER KNOW ABOUT THE BLOG! It's a surprise that I'll spring on her after she gets the ring. Meanwhile, I'm going to do everything I can to keep this secret.